Father of The Bride (7/8/99)
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Wild Wild West. [Barry Sonnenfeld, 1999. Written by Jim and/or John Thomas.]
In May of 1869 the lines of the Union Pacific and the Central Pacific railroads met near Ogden, Utah, spanning the continent with a marvel of engineering that was the wonder of the age. The occasion was marked by the ceremonial driving of a golden spike and the attack of a giant steampowered mechanical spider designed by a wheelchairbound mad scientist bearing a striking resemblance to the upper half of Kenneth Branagh. Fortunately this plot was thwarted by the timely intervention of Will Smith and Kevin Klein; unfortunately, they seem not to have been able to step between Branagh and world domination without simultaneously stepping between Salma Hayek and the camera, dramatically lowering my appreciation of their exploits. Mysteriously these incidents have been suppressed from the historical record; rather as, I suspect, this motion picture will be quietly removed from the resumes of Messrs. Smith, Klein, and Sonnenfeld. — Branagh, of course, can afford the occasional joke against himself; anyway he can always claim he left his brain in his pants.
____________The Devil made them do it (6/30/99)
