Citizen Goya (2/11/01)
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Confessions Of Sorority Girls. [Uli Edel, 1994. Written by Debra Hill and Gigi Vorgan.]
A remake of one of Corman’s famous essays in exploitation, in which blackhearted Bitch from Hell Jamie Luner lays waste to the happiness of her sorority chums, particularly sweet wholesome cupcake Alyssa Milano — fucking her boyfriend, undermining her political position as sorority president by spreading the news that her mother is in prison, and finally trying to blow her up. I don’t know what the present authors intended, but, modulo a few fond pangs of reminiscence at the sight of Chris Craft powerboats and vintage Corvette Stingrays, the net effect is antinostalgic: this is a perverse celebration of the dark nightmare of Fifties college life, which channeled into the Greek system the political contests of a gigantic class of teenage mutant ninja bourgeois all of whom wanted to grow up to be the Man In The Gray Flannel Suit; and wanted this with a fury born of universal sexual frustration, because none of their girlfriends put out. This in turn was the result of the nonexistence of adequate birth control — doubly tragic, since though it was inhumanly cruel to forbid these people the opportunity to fuck, they never should have been allowed to breed. — Handle this film with care. I’m not sure what contagion it contains, but it may spread.
[Attention paparazzi: Alyssa Milano confesses to gardening topless. “The naked body is something very natural and beautiful. I’ll be in my garden, you know, just being natural.” Satellite footage at eleven.]
____________Dishonor among thieves (2/11/01)
