Mehr Licht (9/17/02)
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The Killer Barbies. [Jess Franco, 1996.]
The venerable auteur of sleaze reaches out to the video generation with this tale of the downside of rock and roll: After finishing a gig at which they sing among other hits a catchy tune with the refrain
I love you
I love you
I’m going to kill you
Tonight
those wandering troubadors the guys and dolls of the Killer Barbies pack up their gear, hop into their van [so totally Sixties], and set off across a dark European landscape rather overburdened with mist in search of their next big score. After a few pounds of recreational chemicals and an indeterminate number of backseat blowjobs, they take a wrong turn somewhere in the fog, their van [uh-huh] breaks down, and they find themselves seeking shelter for the night [not that the sun has come out at any point during this narrative, and not that it’s ever going to] at the vast castle, lit throughout by flickering candlelight, of the mysterious Countess Fledermaus, a former star of stage, screen, and the grand opera who is passing the best years of her third century lying in bed with her face rotting off, listening to 78s on an antique Victrola and attended only by her faithful [evil] butler. [“I lost track of time centuries ago,” he says. No wonder: every clock in the place has stopped at midnight.] The decomposing Countess, it rapidly becomes apparent, can only be restored to her youthful health vigor and beauty by consuming the flesh of the young and washing it down with a few hot blood cocktails. Guess what: dinner is served.
With a couple of evil dwarves, death in the act of sexual intercourse, some serious abuse of the fog machine, a naked girl running through the woods in silver boots, lots and lots of plastic dolls, and quotes at length, as if you didn’t expect it, from
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and
Basic Instinct. Some people just know how to have a good time.
____________The hollow Earth (8/31/02)
