Black art deco (5/21/02)
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Blooddolls. [Charles Band, 1999.]
Genetically-engineered pinhead software billionaire Jack Maturin is most of the way through his current project of whacking his principal business rivals Jodie Loudy, Nicholas Wirth, and Warren Draper [who have committed the unforgivable sin of ratting him out to the Feds in an antitrust suit] by the agency of his squad of miniature plastic evil action figure assassins the Blood Dolls [who are animated by electronic voodoo, or something like this] when he realizes to his chagrin that his enemies were all dancing to the tune of dominatrix mastermind Debra Mayer: is this love at first sight? Attended by his clown, his eyepatched cackling dwarf [Phil Fondacaro], and the all-girl punk band he keeps caged in the office and summons to amuse him by applying electric shocks, he contemplates a merger: Let me not to the marriage of true minds/Admit impediments.
— No, really: a pinhead. Though I am now having difficulty remembering any movie in which Bill Gates was
not the villain, the pinhead part is definitely new. — The punk interludes are great [cf. the songs “Kill, pussy, kill” and “Love is pain”]; the girls in the band [Venesa Talor, Yvette Lara, J Paradee, Persia White] went on tour after the movie wrapped. — The DVD comes with [no shit] forty or fifty trailers illustrative of the astounding output of Band’s production company Full Moon Entertainment, and Penelope Spheeris’ six-minute documentary [
Hollyweird] on the making of the feature in question — in which, among other revelations, Band notes that this film was “made on the cappucino budget of
Titanic”, and the topheavy Ms. Talor explains that while her high school classmates went on to college, she worked as a waitress and saved up to buy boobs. — “So,” asks Penelope, “you think buying boobs was a better investment than college?” “Yes,” says Venesa. — Indeed, judging on the evidence she realized prodigious returns.
____________Nuking the whales (4/9/02)
