Flying fool (5/4/00)

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A long weekend in Berlin? I thought it would be only that, until the mysterious blonde holding a copy of the International Herald Tribune bumped into me, seemingly by accident, as I stood gawking in disbelief at the giant onion-on-a-stick which towers over the Alexanderplatz. Only after the black helicopters materialized and mysterious figures in mirrorshades leapt out to seize her did I realize that something had been slipped into my pocket... . — As for the rest of it — the chase through the sewers of the Old City, the audience with the Emperor of the Rats, the escape by balloon over the ramparts of Potsdam as the slavering hounds of the secret police bayed behind me, the trek through Bohemia, sleeping by day, crawling through the mud and slime of the rice paddies by night, the month recuperating on the Riviera at the villa of a certain Polish Countess — well, suffice it that Jerry Bruckheimer has optioned the story, and after a couple of rewrites and a quick polish you can expect to see Nicolas Cage and Angelina Jolie mouthing my dialogue on a big screen near you sometime in the none-too-distant future.

As for the rest of the rest of it: though I managed to land and get off the plane, everything else still seems to be up in the air. We’ll see.

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Life, art, bitch-slapping the media jackals (4/25/00)

In from the cold.